If I Could Only Say One Sentence In My Life It Would Be...How Do You Spell This Word?

When I have trouble pronouncing certain words, I have this amazing ability of sounding like I am either speaking French, Korean or Pig Latin. Recently I have been trying to pronounce a certain word, which I don't even know if it’s an actually word or not, but it starts with a B and well...that’s all the clues I have so far. When I pronounce this mysterious word it almost sounds like I am trying to say Bonjour, but the word I am thinking about is another word for over the top. Although I am dyslexic, I'm capable of knowing Bonjour, means hello in French. Unlike my mother, who walked in a store in Paris and said, Hola, in her heavy Long Island Jewish accent. Please forgive her, she is a part of the dyslexic cult. Don't worry she wouldn't mind me posting about her dyslexia because everyday she tells me "Tori, you stand up in front of the room and say 'I am Dyslexic and I am proud.'"
 You know those people who start to sing a song and then forget the rest of the lyrics so they mumble the tone of the song under their breath? But, when I, sing a song and forget the rest of the lyrics, instead of just mumbling under my breath, I continuing singing in the same tempo, but in a Korean Pop Star voice that you would probably hear in the game Dance Dance Revolution. 

The one person I can always count on to understand my dyslexic/gibberish pronunciation is my sister. Sister, Sister, never knew how much I needed her, until I went to college and didn't have a spell-spell-spell, check-er. If the lyrics don't match the tempo of the original Sister, Sister theme song please forgive me. I mean there are bigger problems in my post that you can be critical towards. My sister and I would be the perfect contestants for the password game. We have been training since the day I was born. All the time she had to help me remember my middle name was Elaine, E, like Elephant.  I used to think my middle name was Malorie, which was actually her middle name. There isn't another person out there who I could call up and ask, What are those dark, creepy characters that were in the movie Hunchback of Notre-Dame and she would responded in a simple tone, you mean gargoyles. I feel like if my sister knew the moment her child would come  whom that it was going to be dyslexic, she would probably say, "Oh hell no, I ain't dealing with this again.", while shoving it up back in her hoot. For those of you who know my sister, she would never actually say those lines because one, she is the nicest person and two this sentences is so improper that she might throw up from it. 

Discussing Brits, Jews and Southern Folks In One Blog Post Can Only Be Done By A Dyslexic

One question...Why are the British noses so adorable and overly just perfect? My obsession with noses steams from my Jewish background. Let’s face it, the Jew nose isn’t the most attractive thing in the room. It might be the first thing we stare at, but in the similar stare you've given someone who had a giant pimple on their forehead. You want to tell them to just pop that bitch, but you realize how insensitive you would sound. Also like a Jew nose, there isn’t much you can do. This isn’t a cleft palate situation, their no charities for the Jew noses, just daddy's bank account. Don't worry, I am aware I'm sounding extremely mean, but one last comment about my people.....(WARNING THIS WILL SOUND ANTISEMITIC, BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I AM A JEW). Do you ever notice those girls at parties who from the back would seem attractive, from their sledder bodies and American Apparel black skirts, but then they turn around and they've got the Jewish gargoyle look going on? You know where the eyes are droopy looking and their noses are weirdly shaped? Since I believe so strongly in karma I should probably stop making fun of Jewish people and go back to what I do best, making fun of Dyslexics. 

I don’t know if it was the British accent, my dyslexia or thinking everyone is similar to me and likes to make sexual comments, but when an fifty-year old British man, at a storytelling show said the sentences, “He must of been”, I put those four words together, and in my mind it sounded like the word masterbate. After I thought the man said masterbate, two thoughts came to my mind; why didn’t anyone laugh and the Brits even sound so sophisticated when they use crude words. In London, one of the subway stops was called cockfoster and well... you don't have to be dyslexic to imagine why that sounds funny. It sounds even better if you say it in a very serious British accent.....COCKFOSTER. Now wouldn't you say that is funnier then laughing at someone who is eating alone? 

Since my topics for this blog post are random and all over the place, much in the same way as I speak, I might as well post about my habit of putting on a fake southern accent during camp and yelling to people, "Come on guys, pass me the ball, I can't read." When I look back on my character choice, I most say I am pretty impressed with my knowledge on the South. I am not saying people in the South can't read well (here I go again, making rash comments that I will later regret) what I am trying to articulate is that it's easy to imagine the typical redneck, one tooth, trailer park character not being able to read well. After I make comments, I always get the same questionable look of, "How weird can you be to come up with that comment." You know what I say to those people, their are more sicker people out their who have more disgusting minds then me. At least I am not thinking about wanting to tie someone up, light them on fire and throw them in a river! I just happen to say the wrong words like prescriptions instead of descriptions and bandos instead of bandannas....When it all comes down to it I am just a normal dyslexic girl living in the real world, just trying to get by. (For those of you who watched Told By Ginger, that was a lyric from the seal girl song.)